Levels of Communication 1-5 

By: Dr Robert Carkhuff

Courtesy of Energy for Life, Ruth Sharon

Be aware of your level 1-5, of speaking and listening, so you can enhance and enrich your communication. 

The Goal of this tool is connecting and having empathy with another human being. 

1———2———3———-4————5 

  • Notice when you are at a 1 or 2

  • Stop, exhale

  • Experiment with #3: matching your partner

  • Share your intention to listen more fully

  • Ask if you are accurate or missed something

1= voices are spoken but there is no connection.

 Ex you say “Did you get the mail?” And the other person says “what’s for dinner?” This is a habitual rut you can fall into. Be aware and mindful .

2= you are on the same subject with each other, which is helpful for logistics but not for listening to the other’s real message, including feelings and needs.

You may be trying to fix the situation and get it done, but you may come off as dismissive, minimizing, discounting, and triggered into power struggles or quarrels.

3= the speaker and listener are on the same subject and you match the feeling or intention of the other. A real connection is happening. Ahh, you may be feeling good, safe, and cared for; being heard and experienced is comforting and affirming.

This is the start of communicating !

4=once you are flowing and getting each other, then you have an opening to add something of value . Many people try to give feedback or fixes when at a 2–this doesn’t work. Get to a 3, then respectfully and clearly give your gift! Watch the shift in closeness and support!

5= you are connecting so deeply and clearly that a breakthrough can occur! The old paradigm or rules don’t apply anymore and you experience things in new ways, which is perhaps terrifying and exciting at the same time. Transforming from how you were programmed into who you are! A rare high!

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Set up practice times to learn this new tool. Bring up a topic of interest but not of heavy conflict at first to practice.

Give each other feedback so you are both learning together ! Educate each other if what you are saying and needing— don’t shame the other for not understanding. Praise the effort and attempts! Grow closer with empathy and compassion.

Call to consult 303-796-7004