Couples’ Emotional Support
Partners in love relationships often request emotional support from one another, yet sometimes aren’t clear about what they’re seeking or don’t effectively communicate their desire.
I maintain that emotional support can take various forms and that what is most appropriate depends on what the person prefers as well as the circumstances.
For those whose primary love language is words of affirmation, they tend to want their partner to offer comforting, consoling words or encouragement. They like sincere expressions of empathy, which demonstrates tender understanding, but not sympathy, which is akin to pity. Encouraging statements represent a belief in the partner’s ability to overcome a difficult situation or to succeed in some endeavor; such statements are intended to empower the person.
People whose preferred love language is physical touch value being hugged, held, or cuddled, which they find to be most soothing. This type of emotional support tends to be ideal for those who are sad, grieving, or very discouraged.
Giving extra attention or “hanging out” can work well for partners whose love language is quality time. This form of emotional support is also commonly sought by someone who feels deprived of time or meaningful attention from their partner.
Another kind of support, especially for the person who places a premium on acts of service, is doing something that relieves them of a task or burden. Simple examples involve cleaning the house, washing dishes, doing laundry, or taking care of the couple’s children. This form of support is most helpful when the person feels overwhelmed with responsibilities.
Offering advice can serve as a helpful type of support, but is best employed after providing another manner of emotional support, and if the partner is willing to receive suggestions or recommendations.
If your partner does not provide the kind of support that you need, tell them directly and specifically what you want them to do, which consistently works better than scolding or shaming them.
Your life coach,
Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us
Jim Sharon, EdD is a recently retired licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored and edited many professional publications, including HeartWise: Deepening and Evolving Love Relationships, published in 2021, as well as Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, published in 2014 (both with Ruth Sharon, MS). Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three granddaughters and one grandson.